Lord Platelunch

As all Islanders know - and many Mainlanders - there has been a big controversy here around the Superferry. It’s the first inter-island travel option to allow residents and tourists to bring their vehicles along. As protesters and the SuperFerry have been unable to find a mutual solution, I was summoned to Kauai to mediate.

After examining all sides, I realized that there was an answer. An unconventional one, but an answer, nonetheless. Many of the concerns from the protester side revolved around a belief that the SuperFerry’s traveling between Islands would affect or hurt the environment, including a possible collision with aquatic life. My idea: take the ‘Aqua’ out of the equation.

That’s right. I propose that the SuperFerry be launched off a giant slingshot from Oahu, or whatever Island it’s ported on any given day, ’slingin’ it through the air between the departure port and its destination.

The destination port will contain 1 of 2 options:

1. A net to catch the SuperFerry.

2. A SuperFerry sized enclosed area full of soft foam, similar to those used in gymnastic training or movie stunts.

Think of it - no whales or other ocean fauna to worry about. It’s a textbook example of thinking ‘differently’. The kind of thinking we need in the 21st Century.

Testing this will be cheap and easy to do. Instead of paying for a hugely expensive and lengthy scientific study, we’ll advertise it as an ‘Extreme Sport’. Our less intelligent brethren will happily sign away all rights to sue or complain.

Appeals will include telling them that participating in this boat-slingshot will ‘rule’ and ‘chicks will totally love you if you do it’. I foresee a surplus of volunteers if this message is delivered in just the right tone. We just can’t use any difficult vocabulary, such as words with more than 2 syllables.

We can even sell rights to academic research labs. There will certainly be great interest in studying the effects of intense acceleration on ‘Dudes’.
Currently I am awaiting word from both sides about my proposed solution. I am very optimistic and will keep you all updated as we make progress.

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